I take daily walks with my dog in the small lakeside community where I currently live. Many people here are walkers. Some, walk alone, some walk with friends, and then there are couples. I notice here, where the demographic is predominantly senior, that women who walk with their male partners are usually slim. Rarely, if ever, do I see a couple holding hands where the woman is of a generous size. And so I wonder: will heavy women, especially heavy senior women, ever be serenaded? If married, do their husbands enjoy going for a stroll with them, hand in hand, ever? And why is skinny so attractive?
To be a party in any long-term relationship, married or otherwise, and to still enjoy being close to one’s partner is something to envy. (We know that 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce). But how is it that seemingly only slim, skinny women are enjoying this type of intimacy? Is serenading a woman contingent on that woman being on the slender side?
There are studies concluding that men prefer skinny women. Then there are those suggesting that a little shapeliness is still “in” and attractive. But there is the troubling acknowledgment that younger men find a skinny woman “hot.” Does that attitude carry over into later adulthood, and does nothing else matter in a woman’s character?
Why Is The Skinny Woman Attractive?
A man I married would talk incessantly about his ex, who had been a nurse. One day, in a fit of pique, I asked him: “What did you find so fascinating about the woman’s character?” His response: “Well, she was a nurse!” “I didn’t ask you what she did for a living. I asked what you found so fascinating about her character that you have to talk about her all the time?” He looked stunned as though the thought had never occurred to him. (And, yes, she was one of the skinny ones, by the way) Why is the skinny woman more attractive just for being skinny?
Is it the perception that the skinny girl is healthy? Younger men perceive skinny women as healthier, youthful, and more versatile in bed. These men want someone fertile without the risk of developing a disease. Then there are those fellows who want arm candy and trophy wives, a notch up from your standard skinny woman. For these men, a woman’s body mass index (BMI) should be between 24 and 24.8 in order for that woman to be considered attractive as a partner.
Taylor Swift is supposedly the ideal role model for what younger men covet in a partner: tall, slim, and leggy. Hourglass figures are out. The ever-beautiful Sophia Loren would not have made the cut either. But we’re talking about younger men – men who still want children and to create a family.
Is This What Fat Shaming Looks Like?
What about the older men? What is their excuse for opting for skinny? Why do we often see older couples where the man walks ahead of his heavyset wife, not alongside her and not holding her hand? Or younger men, for that matter….as if I’m not really with her. Is this a form of fat shaming in play?
There is a PeerJ study that concluded fatness was accepted and attractive when famines were prevalent because fatter people were more likely to survive. That evolutionary rationale seems irrelevant in today’s modern world. One’s BMI seems to determine whether or not you are attractive as a mate. ..as a woman…as a human being.
Enter The Double Standard
A completely different standard of attractiveness applies to men. Women are attracted to men carrying some extra pounds. Fatter men are deemed to be funnier than their skinny counterparts, better in bed, cuddly, and more trustworthy. Another big plus is that any woman standing next to a chubby mate looks smaller.
And once again, there is that evolutionary throwback. Instinctually, a fatter man is seen as being more capable of supporting his family and surviving a famine than a skinny man. It seems our determination of what is attractive and preferable is on some type of survival autopilot.
There might be another consideration as to why women prefer heftier men, which is the recognition that weight loss and maintenance take work. Worldwide, 42% of adult populations are trying to lose weight, while 23% are trying to maintain their weight loss. And 80% of dieters are unsuccessful in keeping the lost weight off. Is the skinny woman seen as more disciplined than her counterparts?
Fat Shaming, Dieting and Discipline
Many people subscribe to “special” diets. Unless a medical condition contributes to weight gain and its retention, most people would agree that weight loss is all about discipline and consistency. Calories in/calories out. We know that most people do not stick to dieting and that much weight loss is regained due to impulse eating. Fatter men might be seen as being more fallibly human and less likely to be shamed. Not so for women who may be stigmatized as lazy and undisciplined when it comes to weight maintenance. A double standard does seem to prevail.
One study noted: “Women face harsher judgment than men, …The cutting remarks can begin when a woman’s body mass index is in the overweight range, while for men, the shaming tends to start when they are obese. And women who are obese report more than three times as much shaming and discrimination as men of equal obesity.”
So the question remains: will fat middle-aged and senior women ever be serenaded and romanced? Some may, but many won’t. I hope that in the year 2023, our society can move on from a shallow assessment of a woman’s worth based on her dress size to a realization of what makes a person valuable as a human being and honor that.
I want to see more men walking alongside their wives or girlfriends, unafraid to hold their hands just because they are packing a few extra pounds. They would be showing the world and their companion that they feel they are in the company of a beautiful human being.