My Mother, who was stunning in her youth and into her middle years, thought of herself as young even into her 8th and 9th decade of life. She believed she could do anything and never lost interest in living. Being identified as suddenly a senior was not on her bucket list.
She rarely discussed aging, perhaps thinking it might cramp her busy lifestyle. One day after she took up residence in longterm care with dementia, I visited on her 88th birthday. Handing her a birthday card wishing her a happy 88th she looked puzzled as she opened it. Softly and incredulously she asked: “Am I really 88?” “Yes” I responded. “Shit!!!” she shrieked. And femme fatale was suddenly a senior.
As Boomers, we all remember where we were the day President Kennedy was assassinated. Where were you when you suddenly realized you were a senior?
Not to equate the two, but the same shock factor took hold.
I was in a supermarket retrieving my groceries. After paying with my debit card, the cashier asked if I needed assistance to my car. Shocked, I wondered how she could possibly ask that question unless..she knew I was a senior! But how could she possibly know my real age when I worked so hard to avoid being identified as belonging to that demographic?
Denial Is A River In Egypt
Didn’t I walk my dog for a good 45-60 minutes, daily? Hadn’t I engaged in a years-long discipline of resistance training? (Of late I admit I had been on a bit of a hiatus) but did I not cream and moisturize every night in an effort to delay the inevitable? And had I not found a great stylist who colored my hair and given it a chic young look? Plus, didn’t my husband’s doctor confuse me as his daughter? All good I thought.
Then there was my stellar driving record, being careful to pause at stop signs and red lights, and never allowing impatience to override due care and attention. And am I not super careful to never back over pedestrians or into buildings?
I myself avoid walking behind cars driven by other seniors. I also avoid walking in front of them and have yet to understand why seniors who must have passed a driver’s exam, have more traffic accidents than any other demographic. But that’s not me.
Joining a Seniors Centre was never on my bucket list because that’s just for older people.
Nevertheless, my own Seniorhood was apparently no longer a secret! Stunned by an offer of assistance I had to ask what was it about me that tipped off this clerk.
The Downside of Registering for Senior Discounts
Then, Eureka! I remembered that when I signed up for a discount card at this particular grocer, they requested my date of birth. As a courtesy to their older customers, they will ask anyone over age 65 if they need help getting from the store to their car – because many do. So I had been outed by the information I myself had provided on that discount card and now it was all up on that clerk’s screen!
As I gathered myself together and left the store – to prove my birthday had nothing whatsoever to do with my biological age or physical capabilities, I walked more briskly than usual to my car, hoping that someone would notice.
Everyone Looks So Old!
Who hasn’t been surprised when seeing a media icon for the first time in years, noting how much they’ve aged? Who hasn’t seen a picture of an ex and felt a small glimmer of glee noting that his or her hair is now white and much thinner than you remember? It was always someone else. Until now. Until that grocery clerk.
Who among us hasn’t stared into their iPhone attempting their first selfie, then reconsidered after seeing their own aging visage staring back at them? The old saying “the camera never lies” has never been more true than now. If we were once photogenic, our relationship with the camera is now over unless we’re shooting birds or wildlife.
What woman heavily invested in her looks for most of her life isn’t sobered by the knowledge that she no longer turns heads in public? And what man doesn’t take stock of how much of his head is still growing hair vs what percentage is clearly bald?
Who isn’t shocked to learn at the yearly physical that as their height has diminished, their waistline has expanded to compensate? Life is simply not fair.
You’re Never Really Suddenly a Senior
The truth is that becoming a senior is never that sudden. Aging happens gradually – so incrementally we sometimes fail to notice subtle changes. Some are not quite so subtle – like that jawline no longer taut, or my favorite – the nasolabial folds, with chicken neck running a close second. And then comes the ultimate insult: word that losing weight actually ages you.
There’s the issue of accepting that you really do need reading glasses and possibly a hearing aide too. People around you are complaining about having to repeat themselves 2 or 3 times. You counter by accusing them of mumbling.
Bedtime ritual has become exhausting with so many things needing to be done before we turn out the lights. Medication must be taken and something sore needs linament. And unless you want to crone out, creaming all the wrinkled and dry spots is now a high priority. Finally, there’s the CPAP …
We do note that our energy bursts, if and when they happen, last for shorter periods – that a 2-hour walk finds us flagging with yet another hour to go and our knees are telling us something. Bedtime comes earlier and our car keys have a way of concealing themselves whenever we have an important appointment. Plus, we see the doctor more often, to ask the question: what’s this?
Slowing Down the Inevitable
So what do we do if we wish to continue on this highway to Seniorhood, level Advanced, and still preserve some youthfulness? Experts once again tell us that we have to eat healthfully, avoid stress, exercise more, drink lots of water, and plan our meals around berries and pomegranate juice.
We must remind ourselves of the alternative to aging and buck up. Let’s practice gratitude for our years on this planet and for wisdom gained over a lifetime. Perhaps we should welcome the fact that we have finally grown up, are less judgemental, and are less inclined to engage in drama, conflict, or hysterics. Let’s be grateful we have made it this far – even if our hair defies us, comes out in the shower, and insists on turning silver.
Acceptance is the challenge. I think I can manage all this and will bravely soldier on. And now that I have been identified, I do plead guilty. I am a senior. Just don’t ask me to fill out another discount card. It’s definitely not worth it.