I had been privileged all my life never to have been exposed to any form of discrimination – until recently, until this phone call, when I experienced age shaming firsthand. How old are you?” asked the voice on the other end of the phone.
24 hours previously, I had signed up for an online course. That phone call was from someone claiming to represent the company I had just paid. “How’s it going, and are you enjoying the course?” he asked. I responded that I had not yet started because I had a business to run and needed to clear that deck first.
His response shocked me when he inferred that I sounded like someone lacking motivation, therefore disqualifying me from any coaching. I explained that I had not yet started the course, so how could I possibly know if I needed mentoring or coaching? However, that wasn’t what this caller wanted to hear. He went on to inform me that only a few motivated individuals would be considered for coaching, and I probably wasn’t one of them, so goodbye. And then he hung up. Ageism and misogyny – all in one phone call.
It Got Worse
As I made my way through the modules of the course, I got bogged down with one technical exercise. It lacked adequate instruction. I appealed to support for assistance, and although they offered help, so much more information was required to proceed.
I asked about one-on-one mentoring and received a voicemail message from guess who? Ignoring the voicemail given my first interaction with this individual, he called again one week later. Asking me if I was now in a different place, I explained I had made it through 6 weeks of instruction in 4 but was having difficulty with one exercise on which all else hinged and felt I needed some help.
His response to me was the question: “How old are you?” Taken aback, I asked what that had to do with anything – to which he replied that I would not qualify for additional help (something for which you do pay extra). He wished me luck, said goodbye and hung up! Again! Age discrimination – my first time had just occurred. Prejudice, discrimination, and hostility directed at people because of their age is called ageism, and it touches ALL ages.
Age Shaming Is a Thing – Even Online!
The bottom line to my story is that someone made the assumption that because computer technology is something a younger generation is weaned on, that you must be in a senior demographic if you experience difficulty. You must be slow, unreachable and dense. This company will take your money but you’re on your addled own if you get stuck.
I’m still smarting from this exchange and wondering how prevalent age discrimination is within our society – in spite of anti-discrimination laws.
We think of it as something affecting only people over 40, but millennials can also become targets. They’re accused of being too young to know anything, too unmotivated to accomplish much and too undisciplined to succeed. The target of age discrimination is irrelevant because the effects are negative no matter what the demographic. Ageism is uninformed and hurtful, and sadly, the people who are targeted think less of themselves.
Unfortunately, my experience was not unique. Ageism is a problem worldwide.
No One Wants To Be Seen as Irrelevant
Older people have made their contribution: they’ve worked most of their lives, paid their taxes, raised their children, volunteered, written letters to the editor, and engaged in society. Most are still contributing. Many have served their country. Plus, 1 in 5 seniors over the age of 65 still work.
Nevertheless, 80/50/30 is a known formula in corporate Human Resources departments. It means if you are an employee over the age of 50, making $80K or more per year, and have been with your employer for 30+ years, you’re expendable. It’s doubtful you will survive the next round of cuts.
For the 91% who claim to have experienced some form of ageism, there are other consequences. Being treated as irrelevant, useless and uninteresting contributes to a feeling of resignation and depression. The only thing to anticipate no3 is decline, deterioration, and death.
Allowing prejudice to define them, some older individuals give up on living. They don’t look after their bodies, decline socializing or volunteering, and resign themselves to living alone. Even if they would like to find a companion, they feel defeated and won’t reach out.
Skills Learned Over Time Have Value
Experience should be a valued commodity.
Who wouldn’t prefer to be treated by a senior, knowledgeable physician when we have health issues – or would you prefer an intern? When legal problems present themselves, who wants an articling student vs someone with a QC after their name? And who would prefer employing a junior accountant to a senior partner when you can have tax issues? Youth does not hold all the cards.
Stereotypes Should Not Define Us
Discrimination doesn’t end with race or sex – it extends to our age. We must not allow ourselves to be defined by others’ prejudices. It’s cruel, uninformed and ignorant. There are many seniors living busy lives, still working, volunteering, taking classes, and sharing their knowledge while living independently. Their life experience could be drawn upon to teach others.
Artists create until the muse disappears. Doctors practice medicine until they themselves want to rest. Lawyers and accountants practice into their senior years, sharing a wealth of experience with their clients. The bottom line is that we should be judged on our merits, our experience, and what we contribute – rather than upon our birthdate.
Legally Speaking
There are laws against age discrimination in the workplace in both Canada and the US. While these laws might provide some protection for existing longtime employees, by the same token, some employers might avoid hiring older workers altogether. In anticipation of being accused of discriminatory practices, should they want to terminate that older employee, they decline to hire them.
While anti-ageist laws might protect people in their jobs, they really do nothing to change societal attitudes about older individuals. In my experience, I was judged to be over the hill because I was having technical difficulties with software!
Who hasn’t been challenged by a software program the first time, especially where there is scant explanation for properly using it?
The only thing this experience did for me was damage the brand this company is attempting to build. If I were discriminatory, I could indulge in age discrimination by implying that the owners of this company were obviously too immature and inexperienced to recognize the damaging perception being created. They, quite obviously, do not want to sell to an older demographic. This is not a great business model. They will take your money but shame you if you have difficulty and need assistance.
Are you one of the 91% over the age of 40 who have experienced age discrimination? How did it make you feel? Were you angry or outraged, or did it make you feel “less than?”
I’m a 75 year old man. People are willing to help like carry something for you and do laborious work for you because I’m old. This also implies that I’m incapable of doing things myself because I’m old. This is followed up by old is outdated knowledge, so they proceed in telling me the obvious. Remaining silent, I know they’re trying to act smart. I study and research situations long before I start a project no matter how similar, simple, or complex the task may be, and as a retired Engineer, I never believe that I know everything or considered everything. I guess that leaves me open to appearing ignorant.
I’m always open for new knowledge or ways to do things. No one can tell you anything if you’re hard headed which a lot of these young people are because most of them are into self and try to grandiose themselves in front of an old man. Of course some never grow up. Wisdom comes from knowledge and humility. How can the young be right if they think they know everything or their opinion is always right and old people have nothing to offer except inheritance? Do young people think I’m too old to know the obvious? They come off like they’re smart and I’m too dumb to know they’re bull shitting me? How insulting! I’m a retired Electronic Technician, Software Engineer, Telecom Engineer and yet they tell me the obvious, or their opinion is right. I don’t like to argue. I’ll make my suggestion and if they don’t accept it and it’s not critical, I let it go. They’ll give comments like “Oh that doesn’t matter.”, or “Doing it this way is just as good.”, or “How old are you”?
Their way may not be as good but the subject is not worth arguing or debating about. To save arguing about it, or making them feel stupid, I let them do it their way which ends up acceptably inaccurate or a problem occurs that could’ve been avoided if they’d listen to me. Some learn the hard way or never learn at all. Why is it that most people think I don’t know how to do something any more?
It’s frustrating to feel invaluable in other’s eyes, but for the most part of life, I know I’m set in my retirement years with enough assets to pay bills, have fun, and not have to work while the young are still climbing their mountain and struggling to pay bills. I’ve been there. I’ve climbed my mountain and yet I’m too old. How depressing!
I’m too old to work for big companies, too old to be a part of youth or young adult activities. The old hang with the old and the young hang with the young.
Sorry you are experiencing ageist attitudes, but if it can be any comfort the young are discriminated against as well. They’re criticized as being too young to know anything, lacking experience or have no work ethic. This type of discrimination seems to affect all demographics.